Im going to be honest

I haven't had depression pills for about a month and my doctor won't respond to the refill. I feel like my depression has gotten a hundred times worse. I have been trying my best to keep it hidden but this morning I broke down. The stress of Pun'kins surgery, my kitchen and un organized house has taken its toll. I really just don't even want to be in the apartment. Pun'kins surgery is Friday at 8:30 am but we have to check in at 6:30. Because she was premature she will have to stay for four to six hours after the surgery so they can monitor her heart. It's so stressful. I keep crying and I cry so hard that I can't breathe. We haven't had internet for a week almost and I'm going crazy. I can't even listen to music because our sound card on the computer/(tower) is broken. So I'm going insane. I can't stand quiet. The empty lonely feeling really just hits me. Yes I have my daughter but she sleeps all day. I hate being alone. I  know that in the end I will have a new kitchen and things will be in order when I get home from California it's just the wait until then that is killing me. Last night we went to pick up Pun'kins crib and my husband is going to put it together on Friday. That's going to be a good day. I hope. When my mom and twin and step dad/ dad (he raised me) very well at that I might add.. I am going to have my twin and mom help me finish the mural and have them sign the wall. It's going to be relaxing and fun. I am excited to show them our home and yes we might not have t.v or a coffee table or even nice furniture but we love what he have and we worked hard to get it. I am proud of my home and that is all that matters to me. My wonderful aunt just called and let me vent and gave me some words of wisdom and put me in a great mood. I am really looking forward to my visit with everyone but right now I have a stinky baby who hasn't been able to have a proper bath in six weeks. So Sarah and I are going to give her one long relaxing bath. I love you all and can't wait to see you. As always...stay classy my friends.