I need a break

I have had it. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm lonely, I'm mad. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. Its hard enough doing everything on my own but adding Pun'kin into it, is stressful. Today I have been doing nothing but laundry and packing and pumping and cleaning. My husband sits a computer all day and hates his job. He makes it seem like his job is so hard. No he sits in a chair and answers phone calls. I'm sorry am I missing something? I think..... I wake up twice to three times in the night to feed my daughter and pump. I wake up and pump again and then do chores ALL day. Yes I take breaks to write on facebook but I'm not on facebook for hours at a time. I'm actually reading to my daughter or talking to her or playing with her, you know... doing PARENT STUFF! I'm sorry that what I do during the day isn't hard in your eyes. I get no help from my husbands family because they don't care about Pun'kin or me for that matter. It's hard when I have no support. Especially no support from my husband. Yes when he gets home he will feed her and change her but that's it. He gets the fun part of being a dad. He doesn't have to worry about anything else. I swear some times I feel that just because I don't bring a pay check home I'm not equal to him. Yes I understand he pays the bills but if I could work and not have to pay for day care I WOULD IN A HEART BEAT. but because my husband says we can't afford day care I can't work. So WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I'M SO TIRED OF FEELING TRAPPED. My husband keeps saying "you need to get your driver licence!" But we can't even afford for him to register the car and get a new drivers licence for him. It's so frustrating. I always feel so alone and unappreciated. I swear my friends say they appreciate me more than my husband some times.One of the main reasons why I want to go to California is because I don't want to be alone after Pun'kins surgery. I can't do it alone. I thought that when I was diagnosed with depression that my husband would have at least tried to make things a little easier for me but no! Nothing has changed really. I am so tired and on edge all the time. It makes it worse that my milk supply still isn't coming in after almost three months. I'm up to 12 fenugreek a day and 3 cups of mothers milk tea. Lately it seems my milk supply is non existent and Pun'kin is eating every two hours. I feel like I'm always drained of energy and patients. I quit smoking but God I really want to smoke again. Another thing that makes me mad is pumping. Now I know BREAST IS BEST. which is why I am still pumping but.. I get depressed even more when I can't even get a full two ounces in an hour pumping session. It's REALLY DEPRESSING. I know not everyone was cut out to breast feed/ pump but honestly my entire pregnancy I wanted to breast feed. It was something I really looked forward to and then Pun'kin came early and she tried latching and did but sucking was an issue for her. While in the nicu almost towards the end of Pun'kins stay they started bottle feeding her but she needed chin support because her jaw muscles weren't strong enough to keep a tight suck on the nipple. Now three months later she is great at bottle feeding but still can't keep a hold of her binky. Her jaw muscles still aren't strong enough. I feel like a failure. I can't bring more income in for my family and I can't make more milk for my daughter. I just remember my mom driving to Oceanside to help my twin clean the house and let her have a break and I don't have that. I wish I did.. I REALLY WISH I DID.. ON TOP OF EVERYTHING OUR ENTIRE APARTMENT COMPLEX IS FALLING APART. FIVE TOTAL APARTMENTS ARE HAVING PIPING PROBLEMS AND YEAH. We had black mold in our bedroom and haven't been able to sleep in it for a week and now our dish washer has been leaking and there is water under the lanolin and it's leaking into our carpet in our living room. OH MAN.. WHAT A GREAT WEEK. Well I have a dinner date with the neighbors and I'm hungry so off I go. I forgot to say... Stay classy my friends LOL